Really cool poem! I enjoy how you took the perspective of the intruder making his confession to the police officer. It was a nice twist at the end. My favorite line was, “Hey, homeboy! You’re not / Parking that Lincoln in this park”. I had a good laugh with that one! I have a contraction/rearrangement of my favorite parts of your piece below.
"Bed Intruder Rearrangment"
Animal instincts consume
Me.
The helpful garbage
Can rolls. Under
Dimly lit ledges.
As fingers grip
The ledge
My feet balance.
A swift pull and finally,
I could see
Her.
Glass instantly fogs
With unsatisfied passions. Slowly,
It opens.
My feet hit the floor.
My limbs extend
So close to the ebony trophy
When all I hear
is
“Hey, homeboy! You’re not
Parking that Lincoln in this park.”
I really enjoyed the formatting in your poem. That seemed to be the strongest point in your piece. So what I did was try to go overboard with that. I also switched the verbs into the present. I know that they make sense in the past with the perpetrator recounting his story to the officer, I just wanted to see how the piece changed with a change in tense. Anyways, you have a great piece, I hope this helps with future revisions!
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