Classmate Response #2- Rebeccah Jacks' 'Baby poem'

A long silver snake shoots liquid acid from its open mouth
Into the gaping cream mouth of a gaint fish below.
The acid burns the mouth of the silent fish.
White smoke floats up to touch my nacked skin.
My mother holds me above the foul clear liquid
My delicate toes hover mere inches from certain death.
The snake turns away from the fish as my mother places me in.
I scream in pain, though I feel none.
The acid licks over my skin, but no harm befalls me.
Slimy green goop touch my body chasing the warmth from my flesh.
The acid pours over me once more.
My mother lifts me from the gaint fish as the now cloudy liquid drips from my toes.
The fish which held me safely moments before gulps the tainted liquid.
I cry out once more.
The snake and fish wait silently for me
Until my trial is repeated once again.

Really cool poem! You have great imagery in your poem. You really capture the sense of wonder and dread felt by the baby taking a bath. My favorite image comes from line 4. The “white smoke” from a warm bath really gives the reader a sharp idea of what it going on.  For me, the strongest lines in the poem are: 1,2,4,6,10,13, and the final two. The rest I feel, can possibly be scrapped in the contraction process, and expanded on again. 

While I like the image of water being acid, I feel there can be more effective details made. With your white smoke, can you relate the substance more to a liquid fire? The water snake makes me think of the mythical creature Leviathan. It may be a silly avenue to take, but me being the dork I am, I would enjoy seeing where you could go with the thought. Do you want to focus more on the physical features of the experience, or the emotional? I think if you try to center on one more than the other that your product will be stronger. You have an excellent piece to work with here and I look forward to viewing further renditions!

Reading Response #2

Another item of interest in my reading is an idea from chapter one. It reads, "Committing too early to an idea or to a particular piece of writing may prove dangerous". This idea leads to the suggestion of being ‘committedly detached’. One of the things I despise about having to turn in topics on a paper well in advance is because I do not like being tied down by a single idea. What if along in my research, I am touched by a tangential idea that will lead to a more insightful piece. It seems silly to rule out the possibility of a powerful message being produced due to needless formality.

Feeling this way, I feel connected in spirit to the ‘committedly detached’. The more I read through this assigned reading, the more confident I feel in my ability to be an effective writer. Confidence I feel, is the most important attribute to have in nearly all aspects of life. When I am confident, I feel loose, I feel free. Free to succeed, free to fail. Not afraid to try though.

Reading Response #1

One of my favorite aspects of the first chapter in Writing Poetry is how the authors attempt to take away the mystic and inaccessibility of poetry. I have never considered myself a writer, or a poet. When I was younger, I found it to be an admirable skill, but not one I needed (at least on an artistic level). Through my life and its many ups and downs, I am changed. I feel as if I have a story to tell, many stories perhaps.

I believe I have the experiences I deem necessary to have an effect on people and their lives. I have never really known where to start, until now. I have a guide that will aid in my pursuit of effectively communicating with people in script.  My favorite quote, “Part of a practicing poet’s job involves learning not to be duped by the readable finished product of published poems. In a way, poems are con artists, magicians that keep their process secret”. I am relieved by this bold statement. With hard work and inspiration, I can do great things.

Random Impulse- Musings on Existence

There are few things certain in life, the curtain dropping down on the stage, however, is one of them. Certainty should bring spirit. So why do we live in fear of the inevitable? Why do we kick and scream and fight the night. What if death IS Dasein's "uttermost-possibility-for-Being"? What if it is only through death, that we actualize what it is to be? By no means am I advocating suicide, quite the opposite. Embracing your mortality and insignificance can be liberating. One can live in absolute clarity and freedom, free of the shackles of shallow existence. Be anxious, but be aware. Being aware of now, is being.

Rest of Junkyard Quotes

One day I want to make choices, not simply practice acceptance.- From a really cool class discussion Wednesday night. It was a great discussion that brought out a great deal of emotions form the class.

You end up becoming this perk, gung-ho version of yourself that you know, is just revolting.- Douglas Coupland
I chose this quote, because I feel its words touch the way I have felt many times in my life, even now. I enjoy reading sharp quotes that spark my to reflect on my feelings of the past, and now.

The poet is one who often thinks by feeling.- Edward Hirsch
I read this and felt in strong agreement of the statement. It helps remind me of what I need to be able to write and really connect with people.

But if any man comes to the gates of poetry without the madness of the Muses, persuaded that skill alone will make him a good poet, then shall he and his work of sanity with him be brought to nought by the poetry of madness, and behold, their place is nowhere to be found.- Socrates
A quote similar to the one above. It reminds me of what inspiration is, and how I have felt when it struck me before. Reminds of of Maslow's categorization of "type" people.

Junkyard-Week 2

British guys always capture my butterflies.- Chris from Family Guy

I enjoyed this one, think it will be useful later.

Random Impulse-Baby Poem

Meh, there are some parts I enjoy in it so I am posting hoping for critiques for improvement and suggestions on what to keep. It was a fun assignment!

The giants march and prowl as I lie unfazed by the cacophony.
The Familiar one bellows and howls across the sanctuary, paying alms to the Machinas trapped inside the worship box.
I cannot bear it any longer though, I let out my own battle cry.
Sweeping in like a saving seraph is my protector, my savior.
The Life Giver shrieks and scolds the Familiar one.
The beast is silenced and I am secured in her impermeable grasp.
Peace and serenity wash over as I lie content in my victory.

Random Impulse-Instructor

I gave my secrets,
I taught my skills,
Now to see who has the greater will.

Classmate Response #1-Angela's Second Random Impulse

You're suffering from the Hero Comples
Attempting to save one charity case at a time
but forgetting that you need to save yourself first

 Being interested in psychology, this poem really stood out to me. It is concise and yet able to convey a powerful point in social work. Is the word after Hero supposed to be compels? The spelling kind of threw me off, so if I am misinterpreting please let me know! Following Jen's example for classmate responses, I'll now attempt to twist your poem around. I really enjoy how your poem is arranged now, but hopefully my twisting will assist you in revision. The visual I get from your poem is the martyrdom often associated with people in social work. To me, the use of martyrdom in place of hero strengthens the last line's idea.

You're suffering from Martyrdom
Attempting to save charity cases
Forgetting, to save yourself

I hope this helps, you have a great poem so far!

Random Impulse-One Chance

It’s dark. The only light is from the brilliant beam centered on the mat in the middle of the gym. I’m nervous, as usual. Hands cold and clammy, my stomach is in knots. This is the moment I have sought since a child, so why can’t I seem to focus. Yet another trip is made to the restroom to urinate and vomit. The time is getting close. I can win, I can beat this guy, I’ve done it before. I can’t hinder the doubt though. It’s slowly seeping its way into my conscious, the paranoia is poisoning.

“This is your last opportunity, what if you fail?”

“He’s physically superior to you, one wrong move and it is over.”

“Why are you doing this?”

“What do you have to prove?”

“They don’t want to see you win.”

“Maybe you’re not meant to win.”

Time’s up. My name is announced and I must report to the mat. I’ve worked so hard…

Junkyard Quotes

Modern man is a voracious reader who has never learned to read well. -Walter Kaufmann

It is in encounter that the creation reveals its formhood; it does not pour itself into senses that are waiting but deigns to meet those that are reaching out.- Buber

To live in this world, you must be able to do three things: to love what is mortal; to hold it against your bones knowing your own life depends on it; and, when the time comes to let it go, let it go.- Mary Oliver

When he spoke, you could feel the violence of his presence.- An anonymous classmate

What is normal is what happens.- A friend