Classmate Response #2- Rebeccah Jacks' 'Baby poem'

A long silver snake shoots liquid acid from its open mouth
Into the gaping cream mouth of a gaint fish below.
The acid burns the mouth of the silent fish.
White smoke floats up to touch my nacked skin.
My mother holds me above the foul clear liquid
My delicate toes hover mere inches from certain death.
The snake turns away from the fish as my mother places me in.
I scream in pain, though I feel none.
The acid licks over my skin, but no harm befalls me.
Slimy green goop touch my body chasing the warmth from my flesh.
The acid pours over me once more.
My mother lifts me from the gaint fish as the now cloudy liquid drips from my toes.
The fish which held me safely moments before gulps the tainted liquid.
I cry out once more.
The snake and fish wait silently for me
Until my trial is repeated once again.

Really cool poem! You have great imagery in your poem. You really capture the sense of wonder and dread felt by the baby taking a bath. My favorite image comes from line 4. The “white smoke” from a warm bath really gives the reader a sharp idea of what it going on.  For me, the strongest lines in the poem are: 1,2,4,6,10,13, and the final two. The rest I feel, can possibly be scrapped in the contraction process, and expanded on again. 

While I like the image of water being acid, I feel there can be more effective details made. With your white smoke, can you relate the substance more to a liquid fire? The water snake makes me think of the mythical creature Leviathan. It may be a silly avenue to take, but me being the dork I am, I would enjoy seeing where you could go with the thought. Do you want to focus more on the physical features of the experience, or the emotional? I think if you try to center on one more than the other that your product will be stronger. You have an excellent piece to work with here and I look forward to viewing further renditions!